Dealing with Boredom

Today has had its ups and downs. My boyfriend works tonight, so I'll have the whole evening by myself. Normally, this would involve looking at getting high, looking at porn, and attempting to hook up. All those options are currently blocked on my computer. I still want to jack off very badly, and I have a few times today, but it's getting progressively more boring and frustrating as I keep adding the sites I'm loading to the block list when I'm done. One of the biggest remaining sites is Craigslist, but I can't block that because I'm using it to search for work.

While I'm just a bit anxious and angry at my boredom so far, it's sinking in how many hours I must have wasted over the past 10 or 11 years, especially as masturbation became an ingrained habit. But this is something I'm trying not to think about because it isn't productive. The only important thing is that I go forward and try to use the time in my boredom for something—anything—that's not masturbation. Like the blog, or one of the many items on my huge to-do list.

That's all for today I think. I'm a bit down because I keep applying for jobs that I know I'm qualified for and hearing absolutely nothing back. It's incredibly discouraging, but I'm going to keep applying until something happens. But in addition to applying for work we're also going to be shopping around the musical I've worked on to see if any small venues are interested in having us. That will at least provide some kind of break from the current monotony. All the same, nothing has turned up yet.

It's hard to keep moving forward through this, but I don't think I have any other options.

Best,

j