The Clouds Part, a bit

I was incredibly down yesterday, mostly because I was refusing to smoke because I was upset about spending money and was trying to deprive myself of anything that I felt was costing me money. Basically, I was making myself miserable for no good reason.

I started thinking about things a little more rationally last evening, and I realized that things aren't as bad as I've been making out. With credit and savings, we have about a two month buffer if neither of us gets any work and I don't manage to sell my motorcycle.

I don't know what will happen over the next few months, and there's no way to predict. However, that doesn't mean I need to deprive myself of the things that keep me sane. We have very few luxuries we're allowing ourselves. I figure that the things I need right now to keep me sane are Netflix, Internet, my boyfriend, regular exercise, and medical marijuana. We're trying to contain our smoking and I believe we're at a reasonable level. The rest of the material things we're holding close come at a flat rate, minus the electricity we need to power things. So all in all, I think we're definitely attempting to live within our means.

I don't think we're living excessively, and I don't think we need to cut very far back on our standard of living. We're only buying two buck Chuck to drink, and no more than two bottles per week. We're slowing the fall to the point of no return. And I don't think that there is anything else we can do in this economic climate.

I also realized that I need to spend more time on my creative endeavors because I've really let that drive slide. I need to force myself to do an hour of composition or sound work every day, and let good habits extend from there.

And everything else I will just have to play by ear.

All the best,

j