Depression

Today is a day I would have relished a few months ago. I have very little that needs to be done and the rest of the day is open time that I can spend on my projects. I can't seem to get my spirits up (I haven't smoked yet today, so that, unfortunately, may be why).

When I first went to get my medical marijuana card, I did it because I wanted to have easy, legal access to high-quality weed. I felt like I was gaming the system. When I got into the doctor's office (who specialized in giving out the marijuana prescriptions) and I filled out the checklist of my symptoms, I began to realize that I wasn't lying and I did use it as a medication even in the past. I have a diagnosed history of depression, and undiagnosed issues with anxiety.

While on the road trip at the beginning July, I met a lot of my boyfriend's friends. He mentioned that I had a card, and they all wanted to hear about how I got it and what it was like to go to a dispensary. I told the story with bravado, highlighting that I marked down depression and anxiety as the reasons I got the card. Of course, since I was high while telling the story, I had no symptoms for either of these issues, and the story comes off like I gamed the system. On the second or third retelling, it suddenly struck me that the depression and anxiety was absolutely not a lie, and I was legitimately using the marijuana for medicating those particular problems.

To anyone who implies (or just states) that marijuana is addictive, has no medicinal benefit, or produces slackers who do not contribute to society, I say this: Marijuana helps me feel normal. It helps me go out into society. I always exercise high because it helps my focus and removes my social anxiety and my anxiety about gyms. I have quit smoking cold turkey for weeks at a time with no side effects, so I do not believe I am addicted. I have been doing my job hunt high some of the time because that is the only way I have been able to set aside my perceived self-worth and just fill out the application for a jobs I am overqualified for or uninterested in (and I have received not a single offer in the past few weeks).

So let's hear it for California and medical marijuana. I cannot afford (nor do I want) psychiatric treatment or medication right now, so I would be at the mercy of my depression and anxiety if it wasn't for weed. Marijuana isn't for everyone, but it sure is for me.

j