Turning Point

Yesterday feels like a major turning point for my life, and I'm determined to use its momentum to carry me forward. I got really high (arguably the best state of mind to be in when making major life decisions) and set out specific goals for myself to accomplish in each of four areas of my life through the next 23-28 years. Basically, I've decided on the state of being I'd like to exist in when I am twice my current age. The four areas are: mind, body, spirit, and my relationship.

Goal Summary

In general, I've wanted similar things through my entire life, I just haven't acted on them. I've always wanted to be athletic, strong, and more muscular than average. I've always wanted to feel more sexually confident and masculine. I've always wanted to feel like an accomplished musician/composer. And I've always wanted to feel spiritually in tune with my environment so that I am capable of helping others find peace (in hopes that I can find it myself). Part of my recent realization is that these are not overnight goals, these are lifetime goals that will take a lifetime of work and focus to accomplish, but I will have to start now on the ground floor if I am ever able to achieve them.

In planning these goals, I started out imagining where I would like to be by 45 with my body, spirit, career/mind and with Wes, and then worked backward to plan large milestones at 30, 35, 40, and 45. The next step of the plan is to figure out what steps I can take now in each area of my life to accomplish my ultimate goals. So basically every three months I'll be creating three month goals, evaluate my progress, and then changing directions as needed to continue forward.

Body Goals

I have always been ashamed of my body. That is, until recently. You see, I have always been overweight. I have had a roll of fat (baby fat, even) around my stomach, and a bit of a bosom (not pecs). I thought for my entire adult life that this was something I would have to make peace with and live with for the rest of my life. After working out (not even that hard) for three months, and seeing very noticeable progress, my thinking is changing. My body is something I can take control of, and I can get the body I want. So in light of that, I'm shooting for the stars. I want to be big--bodybuilder big. But I also want the core strength, flexibility, and skills to compete in solo athletics like swimming, martial arts, yoga, surfing, rock climbing, etc. So while gaining muscle is going to principally important, I'm making sure to spend a significant amount of time on athletic activities outside bodybuilding/weightlifting.

That being said, here are my ultimate goals, starting with where I am now:

Age	27 (now)	30	35	40	45
Motivation	Pics soon	tomathletic24cgn	bhar031972	SFmuscl	Gman
Weight (lb)	153	160	185	210	225
Bodyfat	16%	8%	8%	10%	10%
Chest (in)	38.5	42	46	48	50
Waist (in)	33.5	30	30	30	30
Arms (in)	13	15	17	19	20
Thigh (in)	21.5	23	26	28	30
Calf (in)	15	16	18	19	20

I realize that my end goals are incredibly ambitious and may not be physically possible giving my frame and genetics. That's fine. The purpose of this is to shoot for ambitious goals in hopes that I will better understand my natural limitations on this journey with the understanding that anything I'm working towards is better than what I would have had otherwise. The end goal is only meant as the proverbial carrot at the end of the stick. Besides, after age 30, I'll have to put on 5 lbs per year to reach my goals, which is within all measures of healthy growth that I've read.

In addition to these concrete weight and muscle goals, I intend to keep up on improving my personal grooming and hygiene. What this means for me is that I will begin grooming body and facial hair regularly, will continue using the skin products I have, and will continue to take care of my teeth, will stop biting my fingernails and ripping off my toenails, etc. Basically, I am intending to make my personal care habits match the level of which I am working to improve my body so I can more fully enjoy my accomplishments.

Sexuality Goals

In many ways, this is tied up into body goals. My theory is that as I continue to build my body, I will become more comfortable in the bedroom. However, my dick is one part of my body I have had a love/hate relationship for the majority of my life, and I intend to focus some of my attention on its care. I recently purchased the eBook Exercising the Penis and intend to follow its recommendations to the letter.

I've already started reading the book, and I've learned enough to realize that I am simply not taking care of my dick or sex drive. I normally do not have morning erections. Almost 100% of the time I climax is due to masturbation. And I masturbate many times per day.

While I have a large dick, especially for my body size, I have always wanted bigger. Natural penis enhancement through exercises has become more and more mainstream as I've grown up, and I'm ready to work towards a bigger dick. From what I gather in Exercising the Penis, I will need to stop masturbating so frequently so my penis has time to recover from the prescribed exercises and grow. Whether or not I reach the size I want to be, the book guarantees a healthier sex life, which is the ultimate goal, after all.

Here's what I'm aiming for with exercising alone:

Age	27 (now)	30	35	40	45
Erect, BP	7.5	9	9.5	10	10
Erect, NBP	6.5				10
Erect, Girth	5.5	6.5	7	7.5	8
Flaccid, BP	6.5
Flaccid, NBP	5.5				8
Flaccid, Girth	4.75				6

I realize that this chart is on the extreme side, but why not? I don't intend to do anything to deform my dick like injections or anything like that, and the gradual growth that I'm hoping for is within line of the possibilities laid out in Exercising the Penis (though admittedly they are on the high end of what is supposed to be possible. Whether or not I reach the ultimate wize of 10x8, I would settle for a rock hard 7.5x6, though I should say I have no plan on discontinuing exercises down the road.

Work/Mind

I have honestly spent more time considering what I want to accomplish with my body by 45, but I have significant work goals I'd like to see pass too. While I've been thinking what I really want is a house job, that doesn't seem to be in the cards for me, and I think I'd honestly be very miserable working for a house when I'd rather be working on my own projects on my own terms.

That being said, here's the rough outline of my goals:

55	Retire to academia
50	Complete my grand masterpiece work and have it tour and perform internationally
45	Get grant(s) to begin work on the grand masterpiece
40	Tour cutting edge theater internationally, begin to lay groundwork for grand masterpiece
35	Have completed and performed 4 musicals.
30	Finish and perform the musical I've started work on with my boyfriend.
27 (now)	One musical is heading toward production in January, the second is in conceptual phases. I'm developing my musical language with my sound design and composing projects.

Again, ambitious. But I have an exit plan; I've always known I'd end up in academia, but I've wanted to accomplish something big in my lifetime before then. Might as well aim for that, and I'm excited to conceive of this grand masterpiece. I already have an inkling of what I want it to be, but a lot of time will pass before I start to cement it into reality. I want to be ready for it.

This is going to take a lot of work, and it's going to require that I buckle down and become the best that I can be in a lot of fields that I have been afraid to participate in fully. Now is the time to start this work and get over the fear of inadequacy that has been holding me back. I starting to realize I'm as talented as I've always feared I'd be, since projects I'm not putting a lot of effort in are meeting acclaim in small circles. I want to really put effort into my work so it can shine on the larger stage.

Spirituality

An aspect of my life that I have let go for a long time is my spirituality. I was raised in the Moravian Church and attended regularly until I left home for college in 2000. I only attended Christmas services until 2005, when I started to study meditation in the Shambhala Buddhism school of thinking. I meditated regularly for about a year before giving it up almost completely. In the past few months I've tried to resume a sitting practice but have had significant pitfalls. Enough of that! Spirituality is principal in my plan for self-development and keeping on track, and I am going to continue to explore the Shambhala tradition.

Here's how I intend to do it:

45	Teach Shambhala classes and lead meditation regularly
40	Complete Shambhala teacher training
35	Complete dathün and warrior training
30	Become active at local meditation center
27 (now)	Start daily meditation practice. Extend mindfulness into my daily life.

Again, this is an ambitious spiritual path, but I am seeing dangers of ego and arrogance with my other pursuits and I am hoping spiritual discovery and practice will continue to make me a humble person who is willing to serve others with my gifts. I am just intending to grow my gifts with this program to better serve others, and to show others what is possible in life.

Life with my boyfriend

Initially, I thought I was complete with my goals when I finished mind, body, and spirit. However, my life has been tied with my boyfriend's, for better or worse. I've been attempting to hook up a lot the past few months, and I haven't found any guys I like who like me who come anywhere close to being a better match than my boyfriend. So even though he's not perfect and he drives me crazy a lot of the time, I'm planning on spending the rest of my life with him. My plans need to reflect that:

50	Help my boyfriend start a nonprofit to take care of abandoned/unwanted Great Danes. (his dream)
45	Buy the property to use for the Great Dane nonprofit.
40	Buy a house/condo together
35	Pay back both his student loans and mine fully
30	Complete our musical collaboration; pay off all our credit debt

Again, fairly ambitious, but I want to make sure we're both taken care of in the future and continue to strengthen our relationship. Of course, we will be taking a lot of vacations and traveling together with our work, but I wanted to set out some concrete relationship milestones for us to work toward.

And that's the plan!

So this is what I hope to accomplish. This long term goal list has me very excited. I'm looking forward to 45 now: Imagine it. Me: a huge muscular man with a big dick who is a musical theater composer and spends a large portion of his life meditating and working on outreach. A real catch. The best I can be. That's what I want for myself.

Later tonight or tomorrow I will post my goals and plan for the next three months which will be the first few steps of this lifelong journey. I will also post baseline pictures by which I can mark my progress.

I feel more energized about my life than I ever have before. This is it!

All the best,

j