Continuing Forward

Things are going mostly well with my life plan. As before, I've been very good at keeping up my exercise plan. I had two really good workouts in the gym and a good run around noon today. I've also been meditating daily and doing my physical therapy.

As far as PE goes, I had a good first day of exercises, and I haven't masturbated today yet. However, I jacked off Monday and Tuesday. I'm focusing closely on my habits as they surround masturbation, making mental notes of when I want to, why, and what strategies I can use to counteract this desire.

I made a decision the other day that the masturbation itself isn't bad. It's just that I do it so much that it's causing phisiological problems with my dick. Then I remembered that I bought a fleshlight a number of years with a few inserts and never use it. In fact, it was hidden away in one of the cabinets under the sink in my bathroom. So I took it out again in hopes that jacking off with it instead of my hands will increase sensitivity and allow my callouses to heal. I was about to use it this morning, but my boyfriend woke up and I got embarrassed so I hid it discretely.

So it seems that right now I don't want to masturbate when my boyfriend is around. It also seems that it's a go-to leisure activity. Whenever I take a break in the day, it's the thing I want to do most. So I just need to work with that energy and try to redirect it into constructive activities. I think I was fairly constructive today (had the urge to jack, but didn't do it) and I got a bunch of work done, so that's good.

The one part of the plan I'm completely ignoring at this point is my goal to practice regularly. I think I'm going to give myself another day or two before forcing that goal into reality.

But all in all, things have been good, and I feel much more centered than I did when working Rocky Horror over, and over and over again.

All the best,

j

Off to a Rocky Start...

...but a start nonetheless

Today didn't go exactly as I had hoped, but I'm forgiving myself because I hit the major points of my plan. Flexibility is going to be important going forward, and as long as I do my PE and go to the gym, I'm going to call the day a success.

So to start the day, I didn't get up when I intended. I slept in another hour and then had sex with my boyfriend (the first time in about a month, give or take a week or two). Then we spent the morning together. I did yoga and meditated, and then when he left to run errands I did my PE. After PE I got sidetracked with edging and masturbation, and had some trouble stopping and going to the gym. I had to cum. Then I went to the gym and had a great workout. Then I updated my Bodyspace page and made a first posting to PEGym.

Tonight brought a rehearsal I didn't need to be at, so I left, and then I've been jacking off at home in between other things. I think today's a wash for trying not to masturbate, but I'm not going to at all for the next two days so my dick can recuperate from the exercises.

So I would rate today not a total success but not a total failure. I'm going to try to have a more productive meditation session tomorrow (today's was distracting) so I can actually establish mindfulness to take through my day. Two steps forward, one step back.

All the best,

j

Goals for February 1, 2009

Start Date: November 2, 2009

Spiritual goals: Mindfulness
Method to attain: 10 minutes of meditation daily, Morning routine with yoga and Phys therapy
Potential pitfalls: Laziness
Solution: Reacquaint myself with the end goals, remind myself that meditation is a core part of achieving everything else. If all else fails, try some marijuana.
Time Daily: 1hr

Body goals: 0.5" to all measurements (chest, arms, legs, etc.; not sure if this is possible, but it's a start); weight down to 150, BF down 2%
Method to attain: 4x week weights in gym, 2x cardio outside/gym, eat well
Potential pitfalls: Overtraining, Laziness
Solution: Listen to my body. Take days off as needed. Readjust schedule if needed. Reacquant myself with my end goals. Always carry enough food.
Time daily: 2hr

Sexual goals: .25" in length and girth, harder erections, heal skin on dick
Method to attain: Beginner PE routine, edge after routine to a timer. Only cum every 3 days if possible. Start basic grooming regiment; trim body hair weekly, facial hair every other day. Check nails, nose hair, etc. Moisturize skin.
Potential pitfalls: Overtraining. Laziness. Embarassment. Lack of control and restraint
Solution: Listen to my body. The overall goal is health. Reacquaint myself with the end goals. Suck it up, find ways to be proud of what I'm doing to enhance myself. In case of lack of control, think of something to kill the hard on, do sit ups/push ups/etc., meditate. Take control back.
Time daily: 1 hr

Work goals: Increase work output; become a more proficient pianist. Master scales and arpeggios.
Method to attain: Practice daily. 30 mins on exercises at least. 30 mins on pleasure playing.
Potential pitfalls: Laziness. Frustration.
Solution: Remember my career goals and how this is a part of the process. On extreme days of frustration, get high and do scales and arppegios. Remember that this is supposed to be enjoyable overall.
Practicing: 1 hr
Work: As required. 1 hr minimum on composition or sound design

Relationship: Work on improving sex life.
Method: Initiate sexual activity 1/week min; Increase openness.
Potential pitfalls: Laziness. Embarrassment.
Solution: Remember that my boyfriend's sexual response to me is part of the process. If my dick does get bigger it's important to loosen him up. If not, it's still important for our relationship health to have sex. I want to become better and more confident in it (more stamina) and he is the ideal guy to try new things with.
Time: A few hours of entertainment every week :)