The Final Showdown

Over on my other blog, I've recently come to terms with running out of time to do things in my day. If I'm ever to keep progressing in my life, I need to find ways to use more of my time more efficiently. After plotting my daily routine, I've noticed that I only use leisure time at two or three points in the day: Morning, on break at work (on days I get a break), and evening after work.

My current routine has me masturbating once to several times in the morning, depending, of course, on when my workday starts. The past few days I've been waking with the intent to meditate and start my day immediately, but I always find reasons to fall back on my bad habits. Today I was too sore to want to do yoga, and instead of taking a hit and sitting on the cushion and settling back into my body, I decided to get my laptop out and jack. Well, I had to take down the firewall I put up first, which I am regretting.

Now that I have steady work, I'm realizing that, optimally, I will have work 5-6 days a week, so I need to cement good habits so I can keep making progress on my personal goals despite the unfortunate need to work for a living. I've decided that any day that I am working less than 10 hours, I have no excuse to not work out. So my mornings are going to start with 5 minutes of meditation, into yoga, and then to the gym.

I have hopes for this working out. I haven't hooked up with anyone in weeks (well over a month, I think) and I don't really have the desire to meet anyone new. I flirt pretty heavily with guys online, but I haven't been very tempted to cheat for a while. And whenever I'm online, my self-image suffers, so it isn't even serving any of my interests anymore. Furthermore, half the time when I DO get off, it isn't even satisfying. So masturbation is really serving no purpose for me except wasting time.

With this knowledge behind me, I'm going to overcome this horrible habit and move on with my life.

New developments

With all the working out I've been doing, I'm finding myself much more attractive (and my endurance has increased significantly). My boyfriend and I recently had some of the best sex we've ever had, and I've been on top. Unlike usual, my dick has almost always been rock hard in the past week or so, which is pretty damn awesome.

Of course, I'm back to masturbating, under the premises that I'm just trying to enjoy my newfound potency. It is again completely disrupting my daily schedule, and as a result I'm being nowhere near as productive as I'd like to be (and lately I've been getting pretty stressed again). I know I overbooked work again this week, which could be causing a lot of the stress which is weakening my resolve to try and abstain.

I'm going to try to resume my resolve for the rest of the month. I've realized yet again that my success in all my goals depends on nothing more than my motivation to succeed. The higher my aspirations, the more focused my drive needs to be. I am working on my set of life goals again, and am even considering completely dropping out of my chosen career due to the inherent stress in some of my work. I'm making no decisions yet, of course, but there's a lot churning around my brain.

But no matter: I need to keep my resolve ironclad.